I love a good debate. And an opinion!

I love a good debate! I get off on it! Seriously.

I find nothing more offensive than NOT having an opinion.

Granted, the conversation goes much more smoothly if we are both on the same page, but even if you are not, I want to talk about it. I want to debate.

I’m actually being quite polite here. What I normally say is that there is nothing more offensive than dumb. I equate not having an opinion with being dumb. That sounds very elitist of me but considering I am a country boy, working class to the core, public school my whole life and with no university degree, I hardly qualify as anyone who could consider themselves elitist.

I just love a good debate. I love a discussion. I love it when someone can convince me of something different. I love it even more when I can change the opinion of someone else.

It gets me hard!

I am also incredibly passionate about some subjects (although not always wise). I believe in the ideals and history of the Labor Party and fundamentally disagree with the Liberal Party. I believe in the morals of christianity but I have absolutely no faith in organised religion. I believe with every cell in my body that every human is equal. I will fight, argue and confront anyone who in any way suggests that being born gay is anything other than normal. There is nothing I believe in more than the equality of homosexuals.

But what the hell are you on about today St. Murphy, where is this coming from? Yeah, yeah, sometimes it takes me a while to get to the point.

See something kinda weird happened last night on this blog and on Twitter. I got all fired up, I got angry, I vented. And I loved it. A guest post here by Edenland called “Mum, I’d hate to be gay” had triggered a debate.

An American blog called Feministing posted a link to Edenland’s guest post on St. Murphy. As a result I got a shitload of new traffic from this site. One person posted a completely opposing view (and in my opinion, completely misguided) to the heartfelt story from Edenland, then quite a few people agreed with it. Well, VeggieMama and I were having none of that and started talking about it on Twitter and posting on this blog. More people joined the debate, I openly encouraged it. Cause as you now know I love a good debate.

What made this even more relevant for me was that when this story was originally posted I had some friends express to me privately a similar sentiment to the antagonist last night – MadGastronomer. At the time I thought it was odd/wrong but now I’ve come to understand it better.

This conversation around gay equality has so much to do with what your own personal experience is. Edenland and I are of the same generation, a similar upbringing, a comparible young adult life. While we are only new friends we already know that we have shared experiences. No wonder that a self-penned story like this can ring so true, and so boldly, for both of us. I loved her words and I love that this is her story. I also love that her words and story can generate a reaction in others.

We are not saying you are definitively wrong if you disagree with us, but we will most certainly argue our own opinion and share our own experience. What I now understand better is that your perception of this story can vary greatly depending on your own experience and your generation.

What is most important to me is that we are discussing equality. What got me most excited about this debate was that in the most general terms we were all on the same page. We all agree that homosexuals should not be discriminated against for being born gay. We all agree that children should be taught acceptance and equality.  It was only in the detail that we challenged each other.

For me, this is incredibly positive! Of course, the readership of Feministing and St. Murphy are always going to be more enlightened than your average citizen but still I am greatly encouraged.

Words are an incredibly powerful tool to share opinions and create debate. Just as powerful are actions. If you want to take action for equality and be a part of the upcoming Gay Marriage rally in Sydney I would love for you to join us on the day.

Here are the details.

DEBATE! DEBATE! DEBATE! Only good can come from it.

And please feel free to argue with me anytime you want here at St. Murphy. While I always feel that I am right, I can also be convinced that I am not.

"Mum, I would HATE to be gay."

This one is very close to my heart. See, it is my grand dream that no child should ever have to grow up feeling bad about being gay. It should just be. With each generation there have been massive shifts in perception and acceptance of homosexuals, just look at the difference in attitudes even between Gen X and Y, but there is still along way to go before being born gay is ‘normal’.

Today I am re-posting a story by the beautiful Edenland. While some of you may have already read it, it’s also really important to me that these words sit here on St. Murphy as well. For any of you who have spent time on Edenland’s blog you will already know she is a very special woman. The messages I take from this post are that with each generation acceptance will continue to improve and with people and parents like Edenland than equality is on the horizon, maybe even marriage. Over to Edenland...

Edenland

My nine-year old son was sitting at the table one day, looked up at me and said completely out of the blue, "Mum, I would HATE to be gay."

I was furious. I sat down with him, ready for a long discussion about equal rights and injustice and tolerance and ignorance. No child of mine was going to be homophobic goddamit. I don't know if it's right or wrong to enforce your own personal beliefs on to your children. I try to let them have their own views, give them space to make up their own assumptions about things.

But I was not letting him get up from that table until he got a crash course in respect and kindness. Until I had full assurance that he was not growing up homophobic. No kid of mine is going to be a homophobe. GODDAMIT.

Calmly, but with my head racing, I asked him why he said that. Was it because his dad and older brother are such macho manly men? Did he see something on TV? Goddamit.

He stopped his drawing, looked at me and said, "Well, because, if I was gay .... I would have to hide it."

My heart. Oh.

We sat there for a while in silence. Wrapping my head around the fact that not only was my son not being homophobic at all, he was coming from a place of empathy. He already knows that to be gay would be problematic. I thought of all of the children in his school ... there would be a percentage of them that ARE gay. And know that they are gay, and they would feel ashamed. Struggling to hide their Truth.

That's just so bloody sad.

I love gay people - specifically "out" gay people. I think it's because, they have struggled a lot to get where they are. People who go through struggles in their life, are often remarkable. They know themselves. They're battle-weary. They're deeper.

I told Max that yes, it would be hard to be gay, wouldn't it? But if he ever finds out that somebody is gay, to understand and never tease or judge them. He looked at me like I was an idiot. "Pfft! Of course I wouldn't do that, mum!"

And then I thought some more. "And, sweetheart ... if you were to ever tell me that you were gay? I would not care one bit. I love you so much, and ..."

"MUM. I'm not gay, I was just telling you something."

"Ok mate."

"Mum?"

"Yes mate?"

"Imagine if Rocco was gay! He would be the toughest gay guy in the world."

And we both laughed, because Rocco WOULD be the toughest gay guy around. Totes butch.

If any of my sons were gay, I would wave the rainbow flag from the highest rafter. I would beg to be in their float at mardi gras, I would hold dinner parties for all of their friends, and I would embrace them all with my whole heart. I would want to walk them down the aisle at their wedding. I would want them to be allowed to have a wedding.

This is my favourite "It gets better" video, from the wonder people at Pixar. The guy at 5 minutes and 35 seconds? Oh my god. I wonder how his mum reacted when he came out. I hope she loved him as fiercely as the love I felt for him when I first watched this.

I think most of all, if one of my kids came home and told me he was gay, I would feel instant sorrow. For the stupid straight world is hard to live in ... they'd be facing a lot of real-life ignorance and hate from stupid people. Life's hard enough, man.

Read Eden's original post here and spend some time in Edenland!

It Gets Better: a very special guest post

Feeling honoured and proud at St. Murphy today as we have a very special guest post. It’s a very important time of year for my friend Arrjaydub and he is sharing his story with us today. 

It will both break your heart and completely inspire you.

His message is a beautiful one. Over to you Arrjaydub!

Everyone who knows of me knows I’m a particularly chirpy little homo. I’ll laugh and play and throw glitter with the best of them, but every year around this time I feel a little maudlin. Let me tell you why that is.

I grew up in a family of fundamental Christians, Jehovah’s Witnesses, to be precise. We were a big, close family of 7, and our lives revolved around our devotion to preaching the word of our God, Jehovah. To say I had a difficult childhood would be unfair, as I don’t consider that to be the case. I was part of a loving family, and my parents were caring and attentive. We had a strong bond, and I would have considered each of my siblings to be the closest of friends.

Unfortunately for me, I no longer share my family’s belief in their God. We could sit here and argue about why that may be, though, as I’m sure you’ve guessed it, at the crux of the matter is my love for those of the same sex. What this means is that I have been excommunicated from their faith, and removed from their lives entirely. Come July 7, it will be 4 years to the day that I removed myself from the organization known as Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Arrjaydub's first anniversary of leaving the church

So now we come to the real reason for this blog post. I wanted to share with you all how I feel about being the man I am today without my family’s support. You know how I feel? Truly happy.

Yes, it is true, I have not spoken to any of my family (bar the VERY occasional text from my father) for four years, and when I left the religion, I lost also the very core of my group of friends. While new converts are freely invited to join Jehovah’s Witnesses, once you are a baptised member of their religion, you cannot remove yourself without facing excommunication from the group as a whole. My family are forbidden to make contact, and   their devotion to their faith, while misguided, remains whole.

Family wedding the last time Arrjaydub saw his family in 2007

At 27, that was a hard task. I started from scratch with the help of my beloved Mother Hen, a workmate of only 2 years acquaintance, who warmly accepted me into her family. I celebrated my very first Christmas with them in December 2007. Since then, they have been a wonderful support base, and Mother Hen has always been there when I’ve needed that motherly advice. Add to that the myriad of friends I’ve made in Sydney, a city I consider to be incredibly welcoming and warm. This new hometown has provided me with my new family, a family who accepts that I don’t intend to live my life restricted by doctrine I have no faith in.

Mother Hen and Arrjaydub

So, I guess what I’m truly saying is, It Gets Better. Now i’m not being glib here, it really, truly does. I was fortunate in that I found my way in a world that is so quick to judge anyone based on their race, sex or sexuality. Not everyone finds that peace, or is able to reach a point of happiness so quickly, or at all. Thousands of Australian youths suffer from depression that leads to suicide purely because they are lost in a world they believe will quickly condemn them. Statistics released in late 2009 by Suicide Prevention Australia show that the rate of suicide attempts by GLBT people is 3.5 to 14 times higher than for their heterosexual peers. This is a shocking statistic, and one that chills me to the bone, because that so easily could have been me or any number of my friends.

If you are a young, troubled GLBT teen, I want to tell you something from the bottom of my heart:

Seek out help. No one has the right to tell you that you are unworthy of love and attention. You are as deserving of love and support as your heterosexual peers. Should it be that even your family are willing to turn their back on you, do not despair that this means you will forever be without love. We are surrounded by like minded, loving souls who are more than happy to share their experiences with you and provide you with the love and support that you so desperately need.

There are many organisations specifically designed for this, and I link to just a few below.

http://www.comingout.com.au/

http://www.glccs.org.au/

http://www.pflagbrisbane.org.au/#

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are less important, less worthy than another family member, another person, simply because you do not share their personal ‘moral’ stance. Hopefully then you, like me, can find yourself finally happy with who you are and where you are going.

Arrjaydub is on Twitter over here.

A tale of heart and Grace

Now this little tale will warm the cockles of your heart! Its a guest post from the beautiful Shannon Molloy, one of Brisbane's finest journalists, PR maven and social media guru. In many respects Shannon and I were seperated at birth - except he is much younger and prettier, and has a much bigger heart. Over to Shannon to tell you his story...

A few weeks ago, I received an email invitation to attend Grace’s seventh birthday afternoon tea party.  Problem was, I don’t know any kids with that name.  I clicked through to the link to RSVP and noticed a bunch of Molloy surnames on the attendee list.  Then, I noticed the address was in San Francisco.

Needless to say, the invitation wasn’t meant for me.  I emailed the organiser and birthday girl’s mum, Mary, to let her know and she explained that a stray full stop meant her sister’s invite came to me.

We exchanged a few pleasant emails and I wished her the best for the big day.  Then, and I’m still not sure why, I decided to send Grace a birthday present.

I figure I’d been invited and the family might get a chuckle out of a random gesture, and picked a six-tier cookie box tower.  Then, I forgot all about it.

Until today, the day of the party, when Mary sent me the sweetest email.

Dear Shannon,

Thank you so very much for Grace's present!! She was thrilled, and especially so when I told her the story of how you came to know about her party. She was absolutely delighted. She couldn't believe someone from the other side of the world, who doesn't even know her, sent her a present, and not just any present, but six of them filled with cookies and goodies! 

I am forwarding you pictures of Grace and her friends at the party, and the first one was taken right when she received your present.

Again, thank you. It was just so very kind, and it really made Grace feel special! The babysitter was here when the gift arrived, and she started crying when she heard the story.

My mother now thinks we may be related, and we all want you to know that if you ever find yourself in San Francisco, you need to call.

My brother, who has been to Australia a couple of times, said you just reinforced what he always thought about Australians, that you are very kind people.

I could go on and on, but to say the least, everyone who has heard this story has been touched by your kindness.

It is people like you who truly restore my faith in humankind. 

Mary and Grace

Grace

I was a little surprised at what an impact such a simple gesture had made, especially when that had quickly slipped my mind.  I was also incredibly touched.  This was hardly what I sought to achieve when I made that snap decision to send a stranger – a child no less – a gift on her birthday.  And yet, I’m not sure what I hoped to achieve.

Mary’s wonderful email put a smile on my face all day, as did the pictures of Grace’s awesome party.  It seems I’ve made friends with some delightful members of the Molloy clan in San Francisco and I may just take them up on the offer of a visit if I’m ever in town.  They seem like really nice people.

Shannon delights the world on Twitter here. Please follow, you'll love him like I do.