Severe Identity Crisis!

Just a quick look  back over some of my blog posts lately and it’s a mix so turbulent it could make you sea sick– electrical appliances, poolside gossip, family stuff, a Bear party, boozey nights, food, gay marriage and Lady Boys. Now that’s an identity crisis.

I’m so confused as to what I’m doing here. I need your help!

There are Mummy Bloggers, Food Bloggers, Tech and Gadget Bloggers, TV Bloggers, Fashion Bloggers, Business Bloggers… all make me feel like the outcast kid sitting alone at the lunch table. I don’t fit in.

I’ve always thought that when I grow up I want to be a Mummy Blogger. They are so cool and have got their shit together. A real community. They have stories about the most random stuff but it all seems to make sense for their page. They are hilarious, insightful, brutally honest and direct. Me, while I do love a penis its clear I don’t have fallopian tubes. Therefore, me no can be a Mummy Blogger as I’m presuming one of the defining characteristics is being a Mummy.

While I certainly care for my Little Sammy like you would a child, he has four legs not two. Doesn’t quite cut it. Perhaps I could be a Dog Daddy Blogger?

Any excuse to include a pic of Little Sammy

Another key factor in my identity crisis is that most of my blogging buddies are Mummy Bloggers. Its bad enough I’m a minority in the real world without being one online as well. I go to Mummy Blogger functions and conferences and stuff, usually as a Mummy Bloggers Plus 1. My three best-blogging-bitches - Mrs Woog, StylingYou and Edenland - lead me through this world and I am their fabulous-gay-best-friend. Perhaps I should become a Hag Fag Blogger?

The stuff I write about most is gay stuff. Truth is, being as camp as Xmas leaves me very little room to move on this one. I lead a particularly homosexual lifestyle. Even my home is called Man Pit. In fact all the best homo stuff I can’t write about here cause it would put hairs on the chest of my Mummy Blogger mates. I’m sure the wider blogging community doesn’t want to hear about Grindr, gay porn, ManHunt, seedy bars, bad one nights stands, etc. Could possibly also paint me as somewhat immoral (coughs, chokes) which would hardly be true.

I wanna be a Gay Super Hero

But it is undeniable there is a very big gay theme running through this blog like a feather boa on the Mardi Gras dance floor. Its what I know best. It’s why I call myself a professional homosexual – I love the ambiguity of that tag! Professional could mean either ‘has a career’, ‘very good at’ or ‘slutty’. I’ll leave it up to you to define for yourself. So probably the most apt description is a Professional Homo Blogger.

I’m also deeply passionate about gay marriage equality. I write about it a lot and that is only going to increase over the coming months in the lead-up to the Labor Party National Conference and CAAH Rally on Dec 3. I’ll be flying the Rainbow flag high and proud between now and then. AND I’ll be expecting lots of support from the blogging community. So this subject leaves me thinking I should be a Gay Activist Blogger, at least for the next 3 months.

Strangely, when I first started this blog 6 months ago, I thought I’d be writing about television (my great love) and pop culture (my great weakness) a lot more than I have. These subjects have lost relevance just like Britney Spears. It seems they just don’t hold my attention like I thought they would. I got too much other shit to talk about. So sadly Television Addict and Pop Culture Victim should not be on my calling card anymore.

So where does that leave me?

Gay as hell, that’s where it leaves me.

So I think from now on I am going to define myself as a Professional Homo Blogger. I’m gonna rally the troops of other Gayers and start our own little community. We may not be as numerous as my dear friends the Mummy Bloggers but goddamn I bet we could match them in vodka consumption and shopping skills.

So my questions for you my lovely readers… 

Have I solved my identity crisis? 

And do you know any other Professional Homo Bloggers?

Enough with the Crazies! Time for the cool people.

God damn there have been a lot of crazy people around this week! I’m absolutely max’d out.

What about the American ‘academic’ at the anti-gay marriage rally in Canberra who said that “there is no greater evil” and likened gay marriage to paedophilia.

"It won't stop at homosexual marriage - look for polygamy and marriage between adults and children to be legalised. There is no greater dream for a paedophile than to be able to legally acclaim a child as his lover."

She’s so smart, I literally have no words to respond with.

Then there was Miranda Devine who seemed to blame the London riots on gay marriage and was banging on about straights being second-class citizens. Oh dear. Her retaliation to the outrage her original post caused was even more nonsensical.

Don’t even get me started on Bob Katter and Barnaby Joyce. They were elected by the people so they probably scare me the most.

But I’m real tired of people like these four hogging all of the media attention on the issue of gay marriage. They are not the ones we should be highlighting or drawing attention to.

There are some amazing, beautiful people out there who should be getting all of our attention. They are smart, logical, coherent. They are making their own protest in their own way within their own community. And as far as I’m concerned they are far more important and influential than any of the nutcases mentioned above.

And, most importantly, they come from many different walks of life, varied generations and of all sexualities. Let me introduce some of them to you…

The first is BigWordsBlog. This is a beautiful woman who took it upon herself earlier in the week to start a campaign around the I Love Equal Love button that she created. She encouraged all bloggers who support Equality to post the button on their page. See mine to the right (and above). How fucking brilliant is that! So simple, so smart, so profound. You will see this button everywhere now in the blogosphere. Mums like Bianca have a phenomenal impact on this debate.

Big Words: The Right For Equal Love

Next on my Hero list is Holly_Homemaker. Direct, succinct, her message is as clear as a bell. Miss Holly is another one of the amazing mummy-bloggers who uses her page to speak her mind and make an impact. You can see from this post she says and does whatever she thinks, and you gotta respect that. Here is her post on gay marriage.

Good Golly Miss Holly: Don't be a shit, let them commit! #EqualLove

So you are starting to see why it gives me the shits that the morons mentioned at the top get any media attention.

TwitchyCorner is a brilliant writer. She posted this week on Gay Marriage. My favourite line was on the seperation of church and state… “It’s just that I fail, and will always fail, to see how organised faith has any right to impinge upon the laws and freedoms of the wider, secular population.” You rock Twitchy, could not agree more. Here is her post…

Twitchy Corner: Still Not Enough Gay Lovin About

Faerinelda is a longtime Twitter buddy, and she’s all over this one like a rash. She’s a good woman! My favourite line is “Your religion may shout against it, your heart may not like it and your head might not understand it but just so you know, this is exactly how I feel about people who make pavlova with low fat cream! gasp.”

An Auntie ... Nothing More!: I love #equallove & I love #equallove Take Two

Macsnorky is very cool! So is her blog. She sings from the same hymn book as BigWordsBlog. I love these women!

Desktop and Dust Bunnies: I Love Equal Love

Before we head off to speak with some of my favourite gayers I want Mrs Woog to put her own special Woogsworld spin on this debate. Mrs Woog marched with us last Saturday. Her post that day was inspired!

Woogsworld: Fuck You!

See there are heroes everywhere in our communities who are trying to make a difference and rid of us inequality. I have so much respect for them, so much respect!

And now over to the gays, cause god knows I LOVE THE GAYS!! Arrjaydub is a friend of mine, and is much smarter than me and better with words. He has penned a truly brilliant piece in retaliation to Cruella Devine. His words need to be read by as many people as possible! For he is genius!

The Best Policy: Gay marriage is not a big deal.

“It was about getting together with a group of people with the same goal in mind, getting out on the streets and making sure people knew that you were there to support a cause. It was a protest, but it was also a celebration of who we are, and what we're after.” Very wise words from En_gy. And why I love him.

Bigger on the Inside: Equal love rally. I was there.

Also taking a very clever stab at Cruelle Devine is comedian, influencer and media guy TomCBallard. I love this. Love it A LOT!

Miranda Devine: What The F&*k Are You Talking About?

Final word must go to Dr Kerryn Phelps who has been campaigning for many years for the rights of homosexuals. Her measured, eloquent, and at times amusing response to Cruella was remarkable in its refrainment. I’d love for you to read her piece as a fitting end to this celebration of all those who are fighting the good fight. It is only a matter of time before gay marriage is legalised in Australia as we have so many smart, wonderful, compassionate people fighting for the cause.

The Hoopla: Miranda, A Wine With Your Whine?

So lets not be distracted by the freaks who hog the media spotlight. Lets all focus on the men and women who are making a difference in their own communities with their sensible and eloquent words. 

The post you have when you don't really post...

I feel dumb when I don't have anything to say. It's weird that I never shut up - at all - but it's a very different thing turning verbal diarrhea into anything that resembles a post. This is what I am learning about blogging.





So today I am protecting you from what would have only been a bad rehashing of some dumb, half-assed story and not really posting. Well, you certainly couldn't call this a post could you?





But I'm in full-blogging mode at the moment, really loving and enjoying it, so felt dumb that I wouldn't have anything here today. These words are too ease my own conscious, plain and simple.





So in the grand scheme of things please ignore today, but tomorrow I've got something I think is pretty darn cool. It's a post about diverting everyone's attention from the crazy people and introducing you to some very cool ones.





See you tomorrow, xoxoxo





St. Murphy

10 Things You Wish You Didn’t Know About Me!

This post is the fault of Smudgerella! Smudge tagged me in a post of hers on Grenglish which means I am morally responsible to share my list, as are the people I tag below! I plan to make this disturbing rather than insightful, so much more fun. It’s actually much harder than you think cause I overshare here as it is. But here goes, the 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Me or as I am calling it, the…

St. Murphy's 10 Things You Wish You Didn’t Know About Me!

1. Between the ages of 18 and 26 I drank nothing but Jim Beam.

Please lets not forget I am a country boy and a bogan to the core, from when I first tasted alcohol at 18 and a half years of age (do not judge!) I only ever drank bourbon, or Mothers Milk as I called it. Only years later after I’d had my Oxford St make-over did vodka become my drink of choice. And now only as an elderly statesman of the community has Belvedere become my exclusive beverage.

2. I can pick my nose with my tongue!

Not just touch my nose but actually fill the nasal cavity with my giant fat tongue.

This is my favourite photo I've ever put on this blog!

3. I have a menstrual cycle.

Perhaps I should call this a ‘hormonal’ cycle rather than menstrual, I’d hate to disrespect my female friends. But I do genuinely believe that approx every 3 weeks my hormones go crazy and I am a psycho bitch for 1-2 days. Initially I thought it was something to do with a full moon but over time I’ve realized it’s a pattern close to 3 weeks. Just sayin’. Think me weird but I believe in its truth.

  

4. My first car was a Datsun 180B.

With a black vinyl interior. It was heaven! And I used to loved nothing more than doing laps of Banna Ave, Griffith with the windows down. Of course the windows were down, it had no air-conditioning. I do vaguely remember it having heating. Ahhh…. good times! Especially when Cheap Trick’s The Flame was playing on 2RG.

Mine wasn't this posh!

5. I have never been to a church service in my life.

Maybe this is why I’m gay, Christianity could have saved me if only I’d been a church-goer??? By church service I mean your regular Sunday thing where my understanding is you make excuses for your bad behaviour; not your weddings, funerals, christenings. Of course I’ve been to those. Cause that’s about people I love, not Jesus.

6. I never owned a pet until I was 32.

Kinda weird don’t you think. Even then he wasn’t really my pet. That’s when I first became a step-dad to Jackson. Before that I’d never owned a pet in my life. My parents had enough trouble with my Bro and I, we were very demanding. (ok, it was just me who was demanding, I lied about Bro)

7. I’m a folder.

Meticulously.

8. I still fantasise about starring in my own film clip.

I can’t sing a note but I have been dreaming of my debut film clip since my teens. I practice in the mirror all the time. I’ve always thought it would start with a provocative shower scene and evolve into a nightclub/podium finish. Along the way I would be necking with a stream of hot boys. Shame Video Hits is cancelled.

9. I’ve never, ever been in a fight.

This will shock you but I’ve never been punched. Or thrown a punch! I’ve thrown many a bitchy comment, scathing remark, verbal attack, but never physical. I’ve done ‘no talkies’ like a pouting 12 year old but never lashed out. Even all those times I’ve become ‘alcohol-offensive’ it’s a miracle I’ve never been hit. Touch wood.

10. The reason I’ve been in the same job for the last 13 years is to stockpile stories for my memoirs!

And its gonna be a BLOCKBUSTER!!! Can’t release it until I’ve retired cause I’ll never be able to work again. I have a secret tape-recorder in my shoes just for this book.

Honourable mentions... The dagwood dog is my favourite food EVER and I never go swimming in anything but Speedo's. 

Now who do I want to tag??? No pressure, but if you don't follow through with a '10 Things You Didn't Know About Me' well then you are dead to me. Gonna focus on some new blogging-friends, cause I know them a little but ache to know more (warts & all!)...

TwitchyCorner

KatesInMelbourne

VeggieMama

Glowless

MagnetoBoldToo

"Groupie blogger whore!"

StylingYou and her groupie!

Yes, this is how I was described after Blogopolis, the blogging conference I was at on the weekend. While it may sound harsh, it is 100% correct and I’m actually incredibly flattered.

The deliverer of this pithy line is an old friend of mine, SawHole, who was also at the conference. Sawhole has a blog Madam Bipolar; a very personal, moving and insightful look at mental health issues. SawHole and I are old Uni friends, and friends of Mrs Woog, which is how we both got into blogging. It’s all Mrs Woog’s fault!

Now the reason why SawHole called me a "groupie blogger whore" was because I was pimping myself out like a dirty old hooker at Blogopolis! I guess the professional term would be networking, SawHole accurately saw it more as prostitution. The other reason is that we both realised we’d ridden on the coattails of Mrs Woog and her friends and now found ourselves friends with the blogging elite.

Blogopolis

The first people I’d met in the blogosphere were Mrs Woog’s friends StylingYou and Edenland. Both absolute top chicks, funny, smart and hot – everything I like in a friend! Turns out they are iconic in the blogging world. Both were speakers at the conference, are considered leaders in the field and much-loved. StylingYou was recently named Blogger of the Year and Edenland is this week presenting at an international blogging conference in the US, it’s the blogging equivalent of representing your country at the Olympics.

StylingYou presenting. Sorry such a bod shot...

So riding on their coat-tails I went. Truth is I feel like an absolute fraud! I am such an amateur at this stuff compared to my friends and then to be in a room filled with amazing people who eat, live and breathe this new-world was humbling. I feel like I’m just playing here, having some fun, making fun of myself and my world. For a lot of people they have turned blogging into their career, their life’s work, and that is just phenomenal. So much respect.

But back to the networking…

As you know I live my life online. So Blogoplis was this brilliant chance to meet so many blogging and Twitter friends that I’d never met before. I dressed to impress, even brushed my teeth. Thank god I was having a good hair day! Now I don’t even know where to start with my new peeps???

Pre-conference drinks on Friday I met two absolute hotties… KatePiasecka and VeggieMama. So so funny, I talked them through how Grindr worked and they told me breast-pump stories. Kate particularly disturbed me with her tale, there is a reason I’m gay after-all. She then redeemed herself by trying to set me up with her friend. Loves it.

KatePiasecka and St. Murphy

My little conference buddy was Sociallysorted, we’d shared a cab from the airport and then was very pleased to discover we were at the same table for Blogopolis. Sociallysorted was also friends with StylingYou which is how we met. We had a very romantic Italian lunch together with just a dash of alcohol mid-conference. And again a tipple at Qantas Club on the way home.

So socially sorted...

Funniest woman (besides Edenland, which is a given) has to be Glowless! I have such a crush on her. Now Glowless is one of those people that it wouldn’t matter where, how or why we met I’d be instantly drawn to her. And not just because of her fabulous boobs. My male-crush was the heavenly ReservoirDad who was so hot that I actually couldn’t bring myself to speak with him. Such manly shoulders, mmmmmmm….

I got a bit tired in the middle of the day so tucked myself up in the corner to play on Twitter. Parked myself next to PurpleCath, also playing on the floor. Now PurpleCath’s blog was one of the very first I ever went to and we’d been Twitter mates since my early days. We have a mutual love of crime shows so in the middle of a very serious presentation we were moaning about how beautiful Shemar Moore is in Criminal Minds. Loves you PC.

Now I have to make a very public apology to the very fabulous TwitchyCorner. After an intense love affair online I failed to recall that we’d met before. I’m not a very smart man and there were Sambucca shots involved at the time. Can you forgive me Twitchy? I will never ever forget your glamorous self again! And THANK YOU SO MUCH for sending me some photos. 

I adore you Twitchy! (photo courtesy of Twitchy)

So many cool people! EasyPeasyKids, ToushkaLee, TinaGray, PlanningQueen and MagnetoBoldToo are heaven! So good to finally meet you all. And Magneto, thank you so much for the tramp stamp you branded me with at the party. Mummycino thank god you didn’t drop your load at the conference, if you had of gone into labour I would have run like the wind. But best of luck now I am a safe distance away.

xoxoxoxo (pic courtesy of the gorgeous TwitchyCorner)

Bern. Morley. Is. A. Goddess! No further words required.

And just finally, StylingYou and Edenland, I am in awe of you! Not only because of your amazing blogging work but also because I now have two new friends that I am so incredibly proud of. Thanks for looking after me.

So all up it was a pretty darn cool event and I’m so happy that I went. Learnt a shitload, and now understand so much better what this blogging shit is about. One of the pieces of advice I am choosing to ignore though is not to swear on your blog…

I fucking love bloggers!

St. Murphy's Blogopolis Honour Roll

My MagnetoBoldToo tat

SawHole

Glowless

Sociallysorted

KatePiasecka

VeggieMama

ReservoirDad

EasyPeasyKids

ToushkaLee

TinaGray

PlanningQueen

MagnetoBoldToo

TwitchyCorner

PurpleCath

Mummycino

BernMorley

StylingYou

Edenland

Is the well dry?

After yesterday’s excited post… crash and burn!

There are some days that the well is just dry. 

Actually, it’s not so much the well, but rather my head. I can not think of the next sentence, I do not think I have another sentence in me…..

Why… ???????......

Ok. I’ve got something. I’m tired – mentally and physically! It’s a combination of a huge work week and two sessions with my beloved personal trainer. Also throw into the mix I am in the final stages of a holiday countdown and everyone knows that can mess with your head.

Also throw into the mix I have bad hair. And I’ve still got a bung knee from my dramatic drunken fall at the Imperial near 3 weeks ago. And I’ve got a giant scab on my face that neither Zovirax or Betadine will get rid of. Why is that? What could it be? I’m nervous I may have picked up a rare and exotic disease when I was splayed on the floor of the Imperial.

Do you know what else makes me tired. Voicemail. Voicemail exhausts me.

I’m tired of trying to remember that I now have two sets of keys.

Why is it not appropriate for middle-aged single gay men to wear head bands in public?

Vacuuming. Vacuuming literally sucks the life right out of me. (And that wasn’t even a sad attempt at a play on words, the carpet at Man Pit is filthy!)

Why can’t there be a giant flying fox between my work and my home? Surely this is not too much to ask.

Where’s my passport?????

I’m tired of being tone deaf.

I’m tired of being expected to eat from all five food groups each day. I can’t remember what the other four are.

I have four remote controls. Surely that’s excessive. No wonder I’m tired.

Sometimes I just stop in the street and pray to someone else’s god that Foxtel was available on my iPad.





Speaking of... Why doesn't the standard iProduct charger fit the MacBook?

It really is exhausting being as selfish as I am. No wonder I am tired.

Who can install a doogy-poo-bag dispenser in my kitchen???

Please Coles, Woolworths, IGA, Aldi or even BiLo can you open up with a 400m maximum radius of Man Pit?

Why the hell is Dolly Parton coming to Australia and why are people excited????

Ok, now I just think I’m bordering on ridiculous…

Worst case scenario… I even think I am tired of Law & Order! (GASP, SHOCK, HORROR!)

Need to go back and read that post on the homeless in my neighbourhood. That will snap me out of my whingey, whiney stupor.

Or I could watch porn.

Goodbye. Until I have something even remotely interesting to say.

xoxoxoxo

About to lose my blogging virginity!

I love blogging. One of the things I love most about blogging is other bloggers!

I’ve still got my training wheels on when it comes to this stuff but there has been one absolutely brilliant thing to come out of St. Murphy – becoming part of the blogging community. I can not believe how amazingly supportive and funny and genuine and entertaining and helpful bloggers are. Through this little computer I’ve been introduced to the worlds of all of these amazing people and so many of them have reached back.

Just go to any blog and you’ll see links to other blogs that they are reading and recommending. Bloggers direct people to read other blogs that they themselves enjoy. Everyone comments one each others posts and re-tweets each others links. It’s this one giant circle of blogging-love. I had to tweet out some love this week to two of my main squeezes cause so many people were coming to my page via theirs. Then I was so flattered and excited later in the week when I got some similar feedback from two bloggers I love. That sense of community just makes blogging so special and it warms the cockles of my heart.

You are literally never alone when you are blogging. It's actually real hard to explain. I had no idea about this community before I started this page back in Feb, or that this was how blogging worked. It’s this whole other layer of satisfaction that you get from sharing your stories. The people I have come into contact with and the stories they share have inspired and entertained me so much this past few months, now I am completely addicted.

So it was time to take my growing love of blogging to a whole new level and lose my blogging virginity. In other words, attend a blogging event.

I heard from my blogging-bestie Mrs Woog that this conference had just been announced in Melbourne. I started buzzing – this could be my chance to really immerse myself in this world. I checked out the website and signed up immediately. It’s the NuffNang Blogopolis 2011 and I CAN NOT WAIT!

Then it all kind of happened real quick. So many people who’s blogs or tweets I follow were also signing up around the same time. There were also some gorgeous people who I’ve already been lucky enough to meet who were also signing up. Suddenly for me this event is the coolest thing ever. SO excited! Not only by the stuff that is going on at the conference but more importantly for the people I will be going with. We have already decided there will be many martini’s.

And one of the sessions is on improving blog content so I’m sure that will be music to the ears of the people I force or guilt into reading this page. I’m also hoping it will help me work out what the hell I’m doing on here. You may have noticed it can be a little bit scatty. I have got so much to learn.

So Blogopolis is gonna be HOT! How’s that for a fabulous way to lose your blogging virginity!

Just to finish up, a huge and sincere thank you to all my little blogging mates who’ve just been so welcoming of me into their community.

Woogsworld, Jo Blogs, Styling You, Edenland, So Now What, Wanderlust and Daisy Roo and Two - you are the HOTTEST bitches in town!