Do you think I should be dating?

Yesterday I was banging on about being a filthy pig. As a flippant comment I ended the post saying I think I needed a boyfriend/cleaner to sort out my hygiene issues.

But this got me thinking. My mind doesn’t work like a normal persons, rather it’s a scattered mess of crazy thoughts. It’s like a Rubik’s cube of zigzagging ideas and scatterbrain thoughts.

Hey, would dating again be such a bad thing? Is being alone all the time really what I want?

If this had crossed my mind in the last 6 months I’d shudder at the thought. I have been determinedly single. If I’ve ever met anyone I’ve been very clear that I will forget their name in 3 hours. One of the reasons for ‘the break-up’ is that I genuinely feel that I’d be happier living a life alone. I’m not good at sharing. Anything.

So what the hell were these thoughts? Dating? Surely not.

           

Once the seed had been planted my synapses started firing all over the place. First thought was ‘what the hell is dating now days anyway?’ and ‘do 39 year olds even date?’. I have absolutely no idea.

I’ve never been good at dating. In fact, I reckon you could count the number of dates I’ve been on in my adult life on one hand. My memory is bereft of good or bad dating experiences. My track record speaks for itself. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had – 2 serious, a couple other worthy mentions – I’ve met in bars or nightclubs under the influence of vodka. Each time I’ve gone straight from ‘Hi how are you?’ to head-over-heals in love. I’m very lesbian like that.

I met The Sculptor in a bar on a Friday night and on the Monday he quit his job in Melbourne to move to Sydney so we could be together. Aschappelle and I moved in together after 4 months and bought our first house after 9 months. Dating was not part of either of my two life-changing relationships. And in between relationships I’m usually too hell-bent on having fun to worry about dating. Maybe some slutting around nightclubs but that’s it.

I’m 99% sure I do not want a relationship so can I really trust myself to date without ending up back in one? Me thinks not. Not with my track record.

The other thing is that gay men have built this whole system of what can almost be considered ‘anti-dating’. We have all these tools in place where it is unbelievably easy to meet ‘like-minded’ (horny!) gay men. Online, iPhone apps, etc; our community may be fighting the good fight for Gay Marriage but there is also a recognition that there are advantages to single men loving other men. Grindr in particular has changed gay-dating forever!

But Grindr is a whole other post, and will come with a Parental Warning.

Which brings me back to ‘what the hell is dating in 2011’ and am I too old? So there is the cute boy at the fruit and veg store on Crown St, do we go for a gelato and call it a date? Or the hot boy at the gym who is most likely straight (gym attire tells you so much), if we shared a protein shake is that a quasi-straight-date? (yeh, I know you know I don’t know what a protein shake is) And what about those hot single boys on Twitter, if we met in person does that constitute a date? So goddamn confused!

And the age thing. 39. Even using the word ‘dating’ makes me uncomfortable. It seems a concept aimed at those much younger than I. Perhaps from your mid-30’s onwards we should start to call it something else? Like ‘judging’ or ‘interviewing’. Just an idea.

So after all these thoughts have been zig-zagging through my Rubik’s cube brain there is only one clear answer. NO, I should not be dating. The fact that it confused the hell out of me is a clear indication it is not for me. If I’m scared of it, don’t really know what it is or what I want from it then I really shouldn’t be doing it.

I’ll stick to nights on the couch with my Law And Order’s for a little bit longer.

Unless of course the guy at the fruit and veg shop asked me out. Then all bets are off.

10,000 Tweets! But what has it got me?

I’ll tell you EXACTLY what it has got me!

SimieBoy and St. Murphy

Some of the most fantastic new friends that a dirty middle-aged poof could ask for.

And a Tweet from the Premier! I kid you not. Last night I got a very eloquent but full of sexual innuendo Tweet from Barry O’Farrell after my 10,000^th… “congrats!” he said to me, simply “congrats!”. He recognises my 10’000^th tweet but not the equality of my relationships. But now’s not the day to bang on about that. Today I’m just happy for the Tweet.

So what was my 10,000^th tweet I hear you beg, after much thought and many drafts it was this…

“10000th: Have met the coolest, funniest, most gorgeous people on Twitter, & now they're my dear friends! Will be forever grateful to Twitter”

If you had said to me 12 months ago that I would be meeting people over the internet I would have laughed in your face. I’m a nanna at heart, can be strangely conservative and I’ve been too lazy to make new friends the last few years. And besides, I loved my friends to death and didn’t feel I needed anymore.

Damn I was wrong being lazy. And narrow-minded! Another one of my judgemental characteristics I am ridding myself of.

Yesterday was a very opportune time to hit the milestone of 10,000 tweets as it comes after a weekend where I spent all my time socializing with people I’d met on Twitter. And it was a weekend chockers full of booze and crazy laughs, all with my Tweeps.

ShaunHeron, Arrjaydub, McCraigyDimples, St. Murphy, MatthewJFraser, Lucky Paulie, Mikey & Josh10Murphy

There’s a reason we all look like we are possessed by the Devil…

Lets talk about Friday night. Lucky Paulie (long-time Inner Circle) and I decided to organise a Power Gay gathering on Twitter – a mix of old friends, people we’d recently met and people we wanted to meet. All up, there was a lot of meeting for the first time going on. We quickly changed our moniker from the Power Gays to the Gay-stapo – I think because we were so militant in our homosexuality. The Gay-stapo took over the Inner West.

We even hashtagged it in true Twitter style, #Impie0107. Within 5 mins we were telling dirty stories (or maybe that was just ShaunHeron and I?) and within an hour we were being debaucherous (or maybe that was just ShaunHeron and I?). Arrjaydub, McCraigyDimples and Uueaver are three retiring wall-flowers who shyly join a party… and I’m Pinocchio!

Lucky Paulie, McCraigyDimples and Arrjaydub

MatthewJFraser, or as I like to call him The HYS-terical Matt Fraser, is the best thing to come out of Newcastle since coal. Josh10Murphy is not one to let a brain tumour stand in the way of a good time, and that is with not an ounce of exaggeration. Mikey Morrow was allowed to play with us even though he’s not on Twitter, we talked slower for him. We had an absolute ball! Next outing is #Impie1507 or #Impie1607, still to decide. All are more than welcome to join us.

Lucky Paulie and Arrjaydub

Then I squeezed three costume changes into an over-nighter for a few days in Melbs. It was a work trip but managed to schedule some Twitter-vodka’s cause I’m nothing if not professional. My first ever Twitter-date was with Melbourne’s hottest gay-royalty couple from the ‘burbs, SimieBoy and Milney01. Milney01 ditched me for his offspring – go figure! - while SimieBoy ‘forced’ me to go to The Greyhound for some disco-dancing. I wore black cause I was in Melbourne.

The Greyhound

It was with great pleasure, and some pain, that I met 3GreggyD for the first time. Classic example of when you find someone with the same warped sense of humour on Twitter it translates beautifully to real-life. I loved him like you do the straw in your first vodka, lime and soda. We all met for brunch the next day and the divine Milney01 joined us, but the absolute highlight was the Parisian French toast served with a delicious side of LoveMissLee. LoveMissLee is adored in Melbs like Barbra, Bette or Kylie. I fell under her spell too.

Goddamn I love Twitter and the people it has brought into my life!

And there is no way I can write a commemorative 10,000^th Tweet post without mention of the four legs of my Twitter table… The sublime Woogsworld, the beautiful StylingYou (Twitter-Date No. 2), the fit-inducing JoThornely and the Junior St. Murphy, En_Gy (Twitter-Date No. 3). Life without the allegedly-witty banter of you guys would be like life without television – POINTLESS!!! I also have a big old Twitter-crush on LaurenMC and JoshCilento, a big old crush (and just a little gay one on CuriousSpecimen).

Woogsworld & JoThornely

En_Gy

StylingYou & moi

JoshCilento & LaurenMC

St. Murphy & CuriousSpecimen

Ahhhh.... Twitter is a beautiful place.

And you know what, now that I’ve hit 10,000 I am aching, yearning to hit 100,000.

Game on Twitter!

***If you wanted to follow me I'm at StMurphy!

A Gathering of Twitterati - Twitter-Date No. 3

My fabulous Cousin Trudy and I played host at Man Pit on the weekend to a gathering of Twitterati - its official title being Twitter-Date No. 3. It was an event that had been loosely in the pipeline for some time and coincidentally fell on the weekend of Trude's visit. Cousin Trude is not a twitterer so this was all quite perplexing for her. We even did a quick tutorial in prep for a drinks that was sure to involve a lot of Twitter references.

Nervous anticipation...

There was to be a great deal of 'meeting for the first time' this night. It's a very complex web of various degrees of friendship ranging from twitter-chats of only a few months through to 10+ year friendships (and of course Cousin Trude and I have been besties for 36years). An eclectic group with one thing in common - finding great amusement in each other online. Please welcome to Man Pit... @TheKylieApp, @sleemol, @Paullamond and @en_gy (artist formerly known as @neilsgardiner).

I should pre-empt this pictorial display by saying at one point there was over 5 litres of vodka in my freezer, as well as oven Puff Dogs. Cousin Trudy and I compromised on the catering, she choose the beautiful cheeses and I went with Puff Dogs and mini Spring Rolls. Never in my life have I hosted with so much food.

Starters

Nothing I love more than a fridge full of mixers.

First to arrive, @en_gy tests the Man Chair, made him smarter.

Queensland Royalty... @sleemol

@sleemol's gorgeous non-sexual date Alice

@paullamond and CT casually lounging below new Man Pit artwork

And the dramatic arrival of @TheKylieApp! It had been about 6 years since we'd seen each other and as @TheKylieApp said "I think this is the first time we've met not on on Oxford St!"...

For the whole night there was just funny story after funny story, so many stories I forget most. And we could even tell stories longer than 140 characters. Had so much fun we hardly even Tweeted! Except for @en_gy who we discovered was secretly tweeting under the table like he wouldn't catch him. I just love that I know these guys and can call them friends both in life and online. It's pretty darn cool.

Twitter brings people together.... FACT!

Social Media has ruined my life!

A big call I know! Perhaps more accurately it should be “social media has ruined my social life”.

After this past weekend I’ve come to understand that I actually have a very real problem. Of course it’s just like me to develop an addiction.

I literally live my entire life on Social Media!

I’m just looking at the couch where I have sat for the entire last three days and there is an arse print. Not even slightly joking about this. I have dented the couch. I have sat in that one spot for 3 days with my beautiful trusty laptop in my lap. I’ve lived my life through that 13 inch screen all weekend. A weekend when so so much was going on in the outside world but I chose to participate via social media rather than in the flesh. Yep, I have a problem.

My little world for 3 whole days

The worst/scary part is that I’ve had an absolute ball all weekend. Loved it! Had the time of my life! Now this scares the hell out of me cause I used to be a people-person who loved a crowd. Now I’m a Twitter-Facebook-blogging-no-human-contact-person. The irony is that I’m coming to this conclusion by blogging about it! Then I’ll tweet the blog and put it on my Facebook, further plummeting myself into this addiction.

So there are 4 screens that I have open ALL of the time – Twitter, Facebook, Tweetdeck and this blog. I switch between the four like a sex addict at an orgy. They each give me something special, and hold a unique place in my heart. For gods sake, look at the terms I’m using to describe them. You would think they were my loved ones.

Twitter is my biggest obsession. I don’t feel I need to go out anymore because being on Twitter is like one giant playdate with all the cool, funny people. Its like being in a bar with everyone you love and when everyone is at their very best. No awkward moments, no having to start a conversation, no trying to avoid people – its Brilliant! I have the strangest feeling like I’ve been surrounded by people all weekend even though the only person I’ve spoken to is the check-out chick at Franklins.

Just a little story about the ‘connectedness’ of Twitter… On Saturday I was having separate chats with @SassyLang and @petegoodlet about my blog post on Mardi Gras. Turns out they both had a connection to Daylesford, and they’d known each other on Twitter for a while. Then last night I saw some Tweets from them about how great it was to finally meet up. How cool is that! A twitter-Date! And you know I love a Twitter-Date. Now I am desperate to meet both of them. They are like-minded, fabulous people who I would never have met otherwise.

I'm gonna join this support group

But back to my social media addiction. So Facebook is where I dump all the cool stuff that I find on Twitter such a news stories, great photos and funny stuff. It’s also where I post my blog each day, ramming it down the throats of my friends. The blog is brilliant fun, and a chance to rant and vent. It’s amazingly self-indulgent which I of course love. I then push it out via Twitter. This completes the social media circle – all intricately linked; all a massive network of words, pics, people and stuff. I am now so deeply immersed in this little world that I do not know if I can pull myself out.

But I have to get this addiction under control or I will fast become a lonely old man with dogs. And I’ll lose my ability to make conversation. I’m becoming one of those guys who has absolutely no personality to offer face-to-face, who becomes intimidated by real people. Basicly I’m becoming a hermit, a weirdo, a recluse. This is not good. So as much as I love and adore my little social media world I need to put some limits on it.

What do you think appropriate? What if I limit it to 8 hours a day? That’s a step in the right direction.

Twitter-Date #2: the beautiful StylingYou

What do you get when you cross a Style Queen, the Queen of the Mundane and the Biggest Queen in Redfern?...





...Twitter-Date #2





Twitter-Date #1 was hot! It was with Melbourne gay royalty @SimieBoy and @Milney01 and ended in podium dancing. That got my confidence up and now I'm dead keen to meet all my Twitter favs, gonna work down the list one by one. Yesterday it was my absolute pleasure and delight to have my second Twitter-Date with Queensland’s own style queen @StylingYou.

In my very early days on Twitter late last year I was introduced to StylingYou by the formidable Mrs Woog. As is the Woog way, I think StylingYou and I were forced on each other with a “you’ll love each other”. And no one argues with the Woog. Friendship blossomed online and StylingYou has been one of the biggest supporters/encouragers for the St. Murphy blog. So it was about time we finally met.

StylingYou was in town on a glamorous beauty trip, flown in to sample some new fabulous product – she’s very influential you know. PR companies ache for the seal of approval from StylingYou. We arranged for a lunch date and of course Mrs Woog completed the circle. I was nervous and keen to impress, I had my car cleaned so their chariot didn’t smell like dog, I even clippered my nails.

StylingYou is FABULOUS! Loves her! While our lunch was far to brief due to waiting hire cars and school pick-ups, we managed to cram in a helluva lot of content in our time together. School, uni, 20’s, marriage, children – covered it all. And Blogging. While you have two of the greats at the same table you’d be a fool not to seek advice, especially if you still have your training-wheels on like I do. They are both so different but so true to themselves, that’s what I got out of lunch. And StylingYou’s phone number so she can’t escape me now. Of course Mrs Woog brought the tone right down at one point with an ‘age-defying tampon’ gag but on the whole it was a very civilised lunch. So huge thanks to Mrs Woog for the intro and StylingYou for being as fabulous in person as you are online.

Now I think there may be some reading this and getting all flustered. StylingYou being a woman must be confusing the hell out of them. The same people thought that there must be something sinister in my first Twitter-Date with the Melbourne boys. When I say ‘Twitter-Date’ I mean meeting up with someone I got to know via Twitter first. As I've talked about in my earlier posts @Simieboy and @milney1 are an insanely happy couple of 9 years. When gay men meet up it can just be as simple as wanting to make new friends. It doesn’t have to be about getting laid. Fact.

So that’s a two from two success rate and I’m already planning my third. It’s a busy couple of weeks coming up and I don’t want to peak too early so it won’t be for a while. I am saving my next Twitter-Date for the first Committee Meeting for the Big Glitter Twitter Party. On the self-appointed committee is @neilsgardiner who I fear may be a younger, more together version of myself. We've never met. He will be joining @woogsworld, @thekylieapp, @paullamond, @jothornely (plus @simieboy and @stylingyou if travel allows) and myself on the committee; some of who have met each other, most of them haven’t.

What a beautiful thing Twitter is to bring new people together like this. No wonder I live my life online. Disturbingly... Mrs Woog asked me yesterday what she should be watching on TV that night and I had literally no idea. First time that's happened in 15 years! Social media has taken over my life.





Their blogging details... StylingYou and Woogsworld 

Twitter-date a HUGE SUCCESS!

Anytime a Twitter-date ends up in podium dancing you know it has been a success!

Much podium dancing! And singing! And some very fabulous lip-synching!

My first Twitter-date had it all. I couldn’t be happier.

Yes, you will recall from Saturday’s post that I was very nervous to be meeting my Twitter friends @Simieboy and @milney01 for the very first time. There was a lot at stake, we were testing to see if our witty repartee online could be transferred offline. Well I’m very proud to say that it was a resounding success. In fact, they are definitely more hilarious and fabulous in the flesh, how cool is that! It was one giant love-in from the moment we met.

Simon and I

Firstly, they scored bonus points for choosing the Greek Deli and Tavern on Chapel for dinner. I love that place, its my new favourite in Melbourne. From the moment we sat down we were surrounded by a giant bubble of GAYNESS – so gay in fact it was like we travelled with our own glitter gun and disco ball.  And trust me when I say there was not a single moment of silence! So many stories, so many anecdotes, so much laughter. Each with 30+ years of stories to share. I feel great pity for all of the other diners who I’m sure were incredible jealous they weren’t at our boisterous table. I did notice some move away. Coincidentally the couple at the table next to us had met on E-Harmony so it was a room full of online-love.

@Simieboy @milney01 @StMurphy

Now I live to eat! Thank god they do too. I think we went through about 5 entrees and 4 mains between the 3 of us. To say nothing of the huge volumes of vodka, wine and ouzo! I think we were there for hours, I lost all track of time. There were chairs going up on tables by the time we paid the bill. Another friend had joined us and off we flittered for some disco-dancing at the Greyhound. Now I’d never been before, my Melbourne-gay has been limited to Commercial Rd, so this was quite the adventure. The GH, as its known, is very much like a Blue Light Disco crossed with an old mans pub, of course I loved it. In no time we were on the podium 'waving our hands in the air like we just don’t care'. Singing at the top of our lungs, performing for the crowd below. We are such shy, retiring wall-flowers all three of us.

Starting to look a bit trashy here boys,

So I had an absolutely brilliant night, a ridiculous amount of fun. It was seriously like we had all known each other for years. It’s so cool and exciting when you just click with people like that. We were also all bizarrely similar with some uncannily similar stories to tell. Won’t bore you with details but lets just say we really understood each other. Awwww….. Lets all hold hands and sing Kumbaya!!!

So this has given me another brilliant idea! I want to host a Twitter-party! I want to take another big step and get all my favourite Twitterers together in the one place, with alcohol, and see what the hell erupts out of that. How cool would that be. Of course I would have @Simieboy and @milney01. @paullamond would definitely be there. @Woogsworld and @stylingyou would lead the drinking games, @jothornely and @sleemol would entertain with their dry wit. And of course @TheKylieApp would provide the entertainment. We could invite everyone we like and only condition is that you have to wear a Twitter-name tag se we know who you are. Cause if you are like @milney01 and I your profile pic is 8 years old at least.

So huge and sincere thankyou to @Simieboy and @milney01 for taking the giant leap with me. It was HILARIOUS!!! And we will no doubt do it again. And stay tuned for details on my Twitter-party! I’ve got a taste for this meeting new people thing and I’m dead keen to meet everyone in the world!!! Everyone who is on Twitter that is.

I’m loving 2011!

A bubble of Gayness!

I’ve got my first ever Twitter-date...

I’ve got my first ever Twitter-date tonight and I’m nervous! And I'm trying to understand why. As a general rule I've never really worried about what people think of me, self-confidence has never been a problem. But this is a little different. And I am way out of my comfort zone. Let me bring you up to speed…

@StMurphy

As you know I am Twitter obsessed – if it doesn’t happen on Twitter it doesn’t really happen. I’ve lived on it since I discovered it in August. One of the guys that I’ve been bantering with over the past few months is a guy called @Simieboy. All I know about him is what I know from his tweets. He’s a very funny guy, he’s madly in love with his boyfriend, he just got a new job and he has a pool. He is from Melbourne and I’m working down here at the moment. Perfect time for us to catch up and finally meet.

So why am I nervous? Well I've never ever met someone from the internet before. Boyfriend and I met the old-fashioned way - in a dirty nightclub very late in the night - and we've been together for 6 years now. Before that I was a self-absorbed trashbag. So I’ve never had any experience with any sort of internet dating or blind dates. All those sites like ManHunt, Grindr, Gaydar, RSVP and chat rooms are completely foreign to me. To meet someone who you’ve only been tapping away with on a computer is ground-breaking. Obviously our Twitter-date is purely platonic and its all about meeting new cool people, but it still makes me real nervous to be meeting someone that you’ve only ever known online.

What if they don’t like me? What if I’m boring? What if I’m not as interesting as I am online (you can easily fake interesting in under 140 characters)? What if he doesn't recognise me from my 7 year old profile pic? Now I understand all the insecurity that comes with meeting people online. I’ve seriously been planning wardrobe, saving up some interesting stories and trying to remember what lies I’ve told in tweets. And all I’m talking about is meeting a new friend! I can’t even imagine what pressure you must put on yourself if you were trying to get laid.

Ok, maybe I’m being a little dramatic, that’s certainly in my nature. But the bottom line is I think our witty, semi-intelligent repartee will translate into a new, in-the-flesh Melbourne friend. For years my motto has been “I don’t do new people” – I’m too lazy and they bore me easily. My friends have set the bar too high. Twitter has shown me that maybe I have been too judgemental all these years and that you can always be making new friends. It happens at least once a day on Twitter, surely some of those can be shifted into the real world?

So @Simieboy and I are going to put it to the test tonight. It could be hilarious, it could end in tears. What if he wears denim shorts or votes Liberal? What if he loves soft-rock music or Brut deoderant?  Who really cares. The best part is that after many years of being a selfish, judgemental, rude bitch I’ve learnt that its probably not a good thing to go through life “not doing new people”.

I wonder if we'll only speak in sentences that are under 140 characters long???

Note: It was @TheKylieApp and @Paullamond's idea to write this! They saved me from a blank page.